Being Sydney's Mom

I have never underestimated my job as a mom. To tell you the truth, at times, I am so overwhelmed by it that it scares me. I've heard the saying that "a child can eventually overcome having a bad dad, but never a bad mom". I can't remember where I heard that, but it stuck with me. Now, I know that I'm not a horrible mom. Don't hear me saying that. I just feel the importance that I have on my daughter's life & I don't take it lightly.

Last night, my mom and I went shopping for a dress for her for Nathan and Kacey's wedding. We had a great time. I really love spending time with her! On the way home, we got to talking about her wedding to my dad. I asked her if it was a hard day for my grandfather (her mother passed away a year or so before). She said that it was one of the hardest on him...right up there with my birth.

We then began talking about her mom. I mentioned that I wish that I could have known her. I honestly can't tell you how much I wish I could have known her...not just met her but really known her. She said that just the other day at church she was talking to a lady that knew her mom when my mom was little. My mom told her that she really wishes that she would have known her mother adult to adult. There really is something different about having an adult relationship with your mom. I wish she could have had that relationship, too.

While I was laying in bed waiting for my daughter to go to sleep in her bed last night, I began thinking about what my mother said. Her mother passed away when she was 17. Even at the age she is, years later, she still longs for her mother. As much as I have felt my importance in Sydney's life, I had never felt it as strongly as I had in that moment. I pray that I can be a mother that Sydney needs in the moment. Not a mean mother, nor a walk-over-me-easily mother, but what she needs in the moment she needs it. I pray that God will give me the wisdom to know what each moment calls for.

Thanks, Mom, for being such a wonderful mother. Thanks for handling your heartaches with grace & dignity. Thanks for helping show me what a mother should be. I'm sorry that life hasn't always given you what you wanted. I am happy to know that one day I will be able to know your mother. Love you!