Almost dead dog

For those of you looking for a deep blog...this isn't it. Most of my blogs don't go very deep, but this one definitely won't. If you want to keep reading that's great. If not, it will be considered a "dear diary" entry.

Today can go down as a really bad day. Ryan is working midnights a few days this week. So, he got home as Sydney & I got up. Trying to keep a baby & dog quiet so that he could sleep was not easy at all!!!! Then Sam decided to turn my day into a HORRIBLE day. He peed on a new rug I got. After washing it twice, it still has a yellow stain!!! He threw up on the living room floor...gross!...peed on the kitchen floor, and pulled up some berber carpet in Sydney's room. Talk about a dead dog!!! He is normally a REALLY, REALLY good dog. I'm not sure what has gotten into him, but today he almost saw his last day. If it wasn't for Ryan being home and disciplining him, I think I could have beat him to death...no probably not. BUT I was so mad at him. After dinner tonight Ryan headed out...praying I'm sure that the house is the same with everyone still alive when he returns in the morning!!!

I hate days like this--days when you feel like the world is aiming against you. Ok, so maybe it wasn't the worst day I could possibly have, but it was still frustrating. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day than today. I really need a pick-me-up kind of day...

Better outlook

I woke up to a much refreshed look on life today. No, I didn't automatically wake up & think happier thoughts, but I did keep telling myself over & over that things are going to be ok. I'm actually starting to believe it...

I didn't want to say in my last blog what all was going on because we hadn't had the chance to tell family yet and there are some people who read my blog & fell the need to run to family members & tell them. It is like they get a kick out of knowing before my family does...which hurts my family's feelings (rightfully so!) So, I have learned my lesson & have started holding off on new information until all the appropriate people have been told. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes it stinks because I am not always able to write what I feel. Oh well. People are selfish by nature I guess (not family...others).

I was upset the other day because Ryan found out that his company lost their only account in the DFW area!!! Naturally, I began to panic and think of every bill that we can't cut out. Ryan stayed calm & level-headed about it all...thank goodness!! Things are looking up though. He has been contacted by a supervisor for the company that is taking over the account. Hopefully he will be picked up with that new company & there won't be any lags in pay. If not, I'm sure God has the plan we are intended to take. I just need to have faith & sit back & watch what doors he opens.

So many times in my life I forget that I am not in control. When things are going well it is easy for me to think that it is us who are paying our bills. It is never us. It is always God who provides...I just tend to forget. Maybe all of our "troubles" lately are just reminders that he is in as much control today as he was yesterday and the day before. I wish I could remember these things so that he wouldn't have to remind me! ;-)

I have also realized that our whole life is a test. I use to say that the trials are times when we are tested. I don't believe that to be entirely true. We are constantly tested & are probably more tested during the good times vs. the bad times. It is easy to look to him when times get tough. It is harder when things are running smoothly.

"Thank you, God, for putting food on our table, roof over our head, and people to love. May I NEVER forget that you are in control of my life. I completely trust you to take care of us and provide as much tomorrow as you did today. I anxiously await what doors you are opening as I see these doors closing. I love you & put my family in your hands."

Thanks to all who have been praying. Please continue to do so. Maybe pray that I won't be so stubborn to learn next time! :-)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Happy Valentine's Day to all!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Our day has had its ups and downs. Have you ever felt like you can't catch a break? I have felt like that lately. It seems as though I think we're past the bad, something else happens. It is so frustrating when life is like this. The best illustration I can think of is coming up for air & being pushed back down right as you start to gasp for that first breath. No, our life isn't horrible, but it does feel like this month just wasn't meant to go down in history as our best month. Oh well. We always have March, right?!

Sorry if this post sounds depressing. It is just where I am at right now. No, not depressed--only frustrated. I know that eventually our luck has to turn around. I'm just tired of waiting for it to do so. Ryan says that I tend to look at the negative side of things. He's right. I do. I wish I could see the positive side of everything. I tell myself that I am looking at the logical/realistic side, but he's probably right. It is the pessimist in me that just keeps showing her ugly face. Ah...too much writing about this subject. We could use prayers. We aren't in a bad place. Matter of fact, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been. We're just at a crossroads--most of which I have no control over. THAT drives me nuts!! I like the illusion that I have some control over life although I know I don't. Sorry. Too much rambling.

We're good. We're healthy. That's the positive side. :-)