I am not one who can preach on forgiveness. Matter of fact, I'm pretty crummy at it. As soon as I'm hurt, I build a wall & put my arm out as far as I can. You definitely are not getting back in...not anytime soon, anyway. I'm not sure why I am the way I am. I guess it could be some childhood friends that hurt me pretty badly. Who knows. I just know that this is my reaction & I do not like it. I want to forgive easily, but I'm having trouble.
There are two people over the last year that have hurt me pretty badly. I don't think either intended on it. It definitely wasn't malicious. However, it still hurt. (Don't worry, blogger friends, I'm fairly certain that these women do not read my blog. So, you can rest easy.) One person I will never see again & I think that is the hardest type to forgive. At least if you see the person regularly, you can start to tear down that wall & build trust again. With someone who will never be in your life again, it is up to you to forgive and move on. That for me is HARD!
I've been praying & trying to keep my mind right. I have been trying to think positively & not let my emotions get the best of me. Unfortunately, with these two instances, I am not winning this battle. I'm sure to some degree it will just take time. Wounds typically heal with time. I am just not a very patient person.
I guess I am asking for prayers. Although my hurt isn't bothering these two ladies, (since they know nothing of the hurt) it is still eating away at me. I want so badly to move past it, but am having a very difficult time. Please don't get me wrong. Both of these ladies are great Christian women. They were just having bad days or not thinking clearly when they did/said what they did. I do not think ill of them. I just want to get past the hurt. Thanks for listening...
5 comments:
whoa . . . a tough one. prayers going up on your behalf . . . hope you heal soon.
Oh Honey, me too!! The trouble is that it eats away at you and they know nothing of it!! I have tried to make a point of letting people know they hurt me WHEN they hurt me instead of stuffing and stewing. It is much better but goes completely against my upbringing, I was taught to ignore and move on.
((hugs)) and prayers!
I once had a friend who I didn't want to forgive from high school. I thought I'd never see him again so I never really forgave him. This is when I was in Nashville. Then I got a call from my mom saying that he was in a biking accident and had head injuries and was in Vanderbilt and it would be good if I went to visit. I was glad I forgave him. I still today this day don't know if my card or visit affected him in any way, but I am at peace knowing that I have let go of anything he ever did against me.
well, i'm actually the opposite...i get angry and then can't stand it and have to forgive. its not always better to be this way because i usually don't let people see the real me. i guard myself much more these days. good luck...and i hope its not me being a horrible friend and not keeping in touch as i should. :-) i loveyou,
s
hey, so, just so you know...I actually do read your blog. I just never comment! :o) love ya!
And you know I'm praying for you. But I guess it doesn't hurt to remind you! Miss you!
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